What the Southern Georgian Bay Sex Survey revealed about our intimacy. Wows, wins and ways to improve.
by Jessica Wortsman // illustrations by Justin Broadbent
Drumroll, please! The first-ever Southern Georgian Bay sex survey results are in and it might shock you to find out that we are, in fact…shocking. Ok, fine, perhaps not quite shocking, but definitely surprising. Though no place around here is winning the title of kinkiest town in Canada (that honour actually goes to Lions Bay, B.C.), few would guess that behind the closed bedroom doors of our quaint little ski communities, you’d find a variety of unexpected scenarios.
Our survey revealed that some of us are struggling with unfulfilling sex lives, while others have never been more sexually confident and adventurous. As well, a number of us are into some eyebrow-raising activities that you won’t find listed among the many attractions our region has to offer. We may be an overwhelmingly homogeneous population in many ways, but our sexual practices and appetites are refreshingly diverse.
Of course, surveys have their limitations. The results only reflect how honest people are willing to be and how well they actually know themselves. That being said, the several hundred survey participants provided a fairly good idea of this community’s sexual wellbeing.
And overall, we’re doing well. For instance, we actually rank slightly above the Canadian average (59%) with respect to how happy we are with our sex lives (63%). Not shabby. And for the rest of us in a slump, sex therapist Lisa Pelletier has some insight and ideas to help us bring the sexy back.
Who took the survey?
Those of us who responded are a varied bunch with regard to education, salary, marital status and number of children. Most of us are between the ages of 46 and 75, but far more alike with respect to gender and sexuality. We are split almost evenly between males and females, with only one percent being either gender fluid or transgender. As well, the vast majority of us are heterosexual (88%) and in monogamous relationships (86%).
Where we really break the mold, though, is with the staggering number of us currently practising some form of consensual non-monogamy (10%). This stands us far ahead of the national average of just 2.4%. How progressive! If we’re winning any titles, it might just be for this.
“Kinky is using a feather.
Perverted is using the whole chicken.”
— Joanne Woodward
Wild at heart
In addition to being trailblazers when it comes to unconventional relationship structures, almost two-thirds of us consider ourselves sexually open-minded. So, whether or not we have a fetish of our own, we’re perfectly comfortable with our friends and neighbors getting their kink on. And a fair number of them do.
There’s no denying we have a streak of the subversive running through our picturesque region, but we aren’t alone. According to recent studies, a third of North Americans engage in some form of unusual sexual practice (such as voyeurism, fetishism, exhibitionism and BDSM). So, whether we’re into being whipped or being watched, exploring kink is more common than we think.
“Sex is like air; it’s not important unless you aren’t getting any.”
—John Callahan
As good as it gets
We can breathe easy because it appears that most of us are getting some. Over 80% of us are having sex, with more than half claiming bragging rights for shaking the sheets on the regular. We get a well-deserved pat on the back for that.
Whether “active” means once per month or once per day isn’t the point either. Local sex therapist Lisa Pelletier reminds us that there is no “normal” amount of sex. It’s not the quantity of sex that you’re having that matters, it’s that the amount of sex you’re having is enough for you (and your partner, if coupled up).
Additionally, 63% of us are certain we’re having more sex than our peers. Somehow, we’ve deduced this despite only 19% of us actually talking about our sex lives with friends, but nonetheless, well done, us!
However, having sex is one thing. Having good sex is another. And as it turns out, 53% of us are not sexually satisfied by our partners. Yikes. That’s a lot of ho-hum sex. The results on this page could point to why.
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There’s definitely room for improvement here, and the best place to start, according to Pelletier, is by communicating. Let’s be real, having a conversation about sex with a partner can be hard. Whether we’re trying to avoid hurting feelings or the embarrassment of revealing our own, lots of tricky emotions can get in the way, such as pride, shame and fear.
As well, says Pelletier, it’s common for people to wonder “Am I a good lover? Do I satisfy my partner?” In fact, 22% of us do, but to that, Pelletier challenges, “Have you ever actually asked your partner?” The answer for most of us is no. In fact, only 26% of us regularly talk to our partners about sex.
Pelletier suggests the following conversation starters:
If you want to try something new: start by introducing it as something you’ve heard about and begin a conversation with, “I read about—————and I’m interested. Can we talk about it?”
If you want to tweak existing behaviours or techniques: start by checking in with your partner about their feelings first and ask, “How did that feel for you?” Then, follow up with how it made you feel and offer feedback and guidance on what you want.
“Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.”
—George Burns
Fifty shades of grey
George Burns’s expression might be true, but for now it looks like most of us are playing with solid wood. Then again, only one respondent to the survey was in his 90s. And he’s still playing the game.
As it turns out, aging has done good things for our sex life. We’re more confident now than when we were younger (82%), and we’re more sexually adventurous too (43%). Perhaps the joy of being old enough to no longer give a damn translates to the bedroom as well. Things that once had us raising an eyebrow now have us saying “Why the heck not?”
The results on this page highlight a few more ways we’re getting better with age.
The good news doesn’t end there. More than three quarters of us aged 60 and over are having sex. Better still, an impressive 64% are having a lot of it. Perhaps we’ve got our active, outdoorsy lifestyle to thank for such stamina. Whatever the reason, it appears that our golden years may just be when we hit our stride. If there’s a crown for randiest retirement community, then it’s surely ours.
Learning curve
This being our first-ever sex survey, we didn’t get it all right. The first time can be a bit awkward. Expectations are high and no one really knows what they’re doing.
You can be sure we’ll do better the next time though (oh yes, there will be a next time), because as with sex, you get better with practice and feedback.
Send your feedback to readermail@onthebaymagazine.com.
